What’s In A Name?

Have you ever wondered about that? What is in a name? Better yet, what makes a name a name? I have a theory. I think that most names are exactly what we make of them. The amount of worth that they have had, currently have, and ever will have, all depends on how much worth we put in the words, therefore the names themselves. I think my mind kind of just blew. 

What are some of the names, or names of things/items, that you put worth in? I know I put a lot of worth in a lot of names. I put worth in…

• the fact that I am a Christian, a daughter of the King
• I am loved and I know love
• Auburn Saturday’s with my family and friends
• Weekends with my brother and sister-in-law
• Sweet Sutton’s puppy kisses (A+L’s new dog)
• Margarita nights at the local Mexican dive restaurant with my favorite people
• Reading “Disney’s 5 Minute Snuggly Time Stories” with one of my best friends, Sarah
• The two ladies in my small group that I literally (like, last night) just joined and I am 100% sure they are angels
• Watching Wheel of Fortune every weeknight with my family at exactly 6:30 pm, CST (cue the screams from my parents)

Another word or name or action that I have always put a lot of worth in is control. If you have ever spent any extended amount of time around me, you know that I am a control freak. I am a type-A, borderline obsessive, neat freak. I have countless lists and planners and I am always crossing something off or highlighting a reminder. It’s just something that I have always done. Because of that, I have always had a task. If you have been following my health journey through the Facebook page my parents set up, you know that this past semester, I had to medically resign from school. AKA, I am on a break from school, living at home, indefinitely until I have been medically cleared (healthy again) to go back Auburn and resume classes (praying and planning for January, but more on that later….) by my doctors. Now, normally, students everywhere would be rejoicing that they had no school nor responsibilities for five months. However, like I have already established, I am not normal. Not having anything to do has been driving me crazy, but it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

God has been teaching me how to relinquish control in almost every aspect of my life. When I first realized that I was no longer going back to school, my world came crashing down. I had the perfect plan. I was taking my last semester of classes this fall, had an awesome internship lined up for next spring, and was supposed to graduate next August. The end was near. Deep down, I knew that something was coming. I knew that I needed to give up control to God. I was just being hard-headed. Type-A. Obsessive.

“In control.” Or so I thought. When my life literally turned upside down, I knew that I had hit rock bottom. There was something going wrong in my body that I had no idea how to fix and I had absolutely no control over it at all. And that petrified me. Yes, I was scared that I had a new auto-immune disease that nobody knew how to treat. Yes, I was scared that I didn’t know how long I was going to be in the hospital or how my body would respond to any treatments. I was freaking out because I didn’t have any type of plan and the only thing it was doing was making me sicker.

Deuteronomy 31:8, “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

In that moment, hooked up to IV’s and monitors, I realized that I needed to give up the control that I was so desperately holding on to if I was going to literally survive whatever “this” disease was. Dramatic, but true. So I did. Just like that.

Y’all, if I could describe to you the incredible peace and comfort that immediately washed over me, I would. I wish I could, I truly do. I hope that this peace that I felt right then and I still feel right now is a peace that each and every human being experiences in their lifetime. Picture this: You go into a pitch black room. It is so incredibly dark that you cannot even see your fingers in front of your face. Then suddenly, somewhere within the room, someone flicks on a light and you are immediately immersed in light. You look around and you are in your happy place, whatever that may be. Now picture that times a million and add Jesus and all of His amazing love and that’s the feeling I have.

Once I gave up control, a string of miracles started happening. I started getting stronger. A few days later, I was discharged to go home. A few more days later, I was moving around the house by myself in my wheelchair. One day a few weeks ago, I was walking with my cane, the next day I wasn’t. I haven’t walked with my cane since. However, me being human (see: selfish), I wanted more. I still do honestly. However, the one thing that I have wanted and prayed for the most out of this second go-round has always been a diagnosis. A name. 

Yesterday, the Lord answered that prayer. My doctor called us with preliminary biopsy results that are consistent with a specific auto-immune disease. He gave us a name. 

Ephesians 3:20, “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us…”

I love Jesus’ perfect timing. The second that I start to feel my old habits of control coming up, Jesus gives me another breath of air. He turns on a lamp in one of the darker rooms in my mind and as long as I remember to name that room with purpose, I can keep going. Keep fighting.

Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.”

Blessings, y’all.